So yesterday, I introduced the festing instinct. Today, I just wanted to share a few things that I learned the first time around that are helping me to keep my festing in check as we await the new baby (Come on, you thought I was going to give the name away at the beginning? Then what incentive would there be to read the rest?)

1. Having a baby changes your life. People who tell you otherwise are lying. But it changes your life in a good way. For us, our lives shifted with the change very naturally. Maybe because we really wanted to start our family and were “in” for whatever that brought with it. Change isn’t good or bad – it’s our responses to change that is good or bad. We looked at this change as a whole new set of adventures that would stretch us and take us places we wouldn’t get to otherwise go.

2. Having a baby costs money. So in this area, festing can be good. Personally, I take the responsibility of our family finances really seriously. I think that’s why I overreacted with the first baby. Looking back, all the things you need to keep a baby alive can be expensive. But, back to point #1 above. The rest of your life is changing too. Many of the things we used to do cost money. A lot of them went away or were greatly reduced in frequency with the baby, so the cost of them went away too. I’m not suggesting it’s a 1:1 substitution (it wasn’t for us), but the financial impact of having a baby wasn’t a complete “add” to our budget. I asked people for their wisdom so I could plan properly for a baby.

3. You’re not prepared and you can’t be prepared to be a parent. Sure, it’s possible to have many things ready to go for the baby (finances, shelter, food etc), but festing for me also included this great fear that I would mess Danica up. Turns out, she’s messed me up, not the other way around. She’s taught us how to be parents. They say babies don’t come with instruction books. That’s true. But our experience has been that God gives grace to be a parent. And with that grace comes all the ability and wisdom you need to be a good parent, if you’ll yield to what He’s trying to teach you.

4. The biggest thing I have learned about parenting is that it’s not about perfection, it’s about consistency. The second biggest thing I learned is that not every aspect of parenting is black and white. New parents get a lot of unsolicited advice. Listen and respect other opinions, but a lot of the advice won’t translate exactly to your family and your kids.

There’s more that I could share, but in respect for my own point #4, I’ll assume that a lot of what I’m saying may not be the same for you. The main point is this, if festing, raises your awareness of your responsibility then it’s good. Just don’t let it get the best of you.

Oh- almost forgot. It’s Landon Jonathan.

Ever heard of it? No I didn’t misspell ‘fasting’ or ‘feasting’. This is a new word.

When we were expecting Danica, I went crazy. Well, looking back it was crazy, but in the moment it seemed ok. In fact it seemed natural, almost like an instinct. Having a baby is a really big deal and the first time around I didnt know if it was anxiety around the big event or the life change, but I just felt like I did not have our family prepared for a new addition. Even though I had checked and re-checked our budget before we decided to have kids, I felt like we would be broke when the baby came. We cut back our spending massively. I sold my truck to get a more economical vehicle to operate. Looking back, I now know I was just festing. Man, I miss that truck. I wish I’d have known about festing before I traded it in.

So if women go through ‘nesting’ to prepare for a baby, men go through festing (fatherly nesting) – thanks to the folks at Land O’Leary for putting a name to something we’ve both experience and talked each other through. And while I look back at how I responded to the instinct to fest and have some regrets, festing is important. And it’s more than just financial planning. It’s all encompassing around the responsibilities of being the head of the household and making sure things are in order. I don’t know if every dad to-be fests, but based on a limited sample size, it sure seems to be prevalent. So, fest away new dads.

Tomorrow I’ll share a few things I learned the first time around that are helping to control my festing instincts as we await the arrival of the new baby. By the way, the new baby has a name. Tune in tomorrow if you want to know it!